


In The Park Down The Street

by hobisserenity



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bullying, Depression, Gen, Other, Self Harm, So yeah, Suicide, Torture, Weed, i got inspiration for this from a voltron edit, i mean basically thats what it is, pot, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 07:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobisserenity/pseuds/hobisserenity
Summary: "We went to battle every evening after dinner. I thought I knew some way I'd get through to you. Remember?"His last moments were filled with pain and regret.At least he had the comfort of knowing that it would be over soon.





	In The Park Down The Street

The pills scattered on the ground, the trees around him, and the pitch-black sky, ready to steal him away for good.   
  
Those were the last things that Connor saw before he closed his eyes.

He had known that this day would, eventually, come. His classmates told him so. The voice in his head that  _would not fucking leave him alone even though he did everything it said_ told him so.

He didn't know what would happen after he would die. Would he go to Heaven or Hell? Would he be greeted by his relatives, long-gone and left behind in the memories of the living? Would he just lay there, destined to become worm food and be used as an example:  _This is Connor. He killed himself. Don't do what he did._

Would he even get a funeral?

Connor was prepared for this. He knew what to expect. This would be long and painful. His face would be covered in salty tears by the time it was finished. It would be too late by then.

What he wasn't prepared for, however, was the wave of guilt and regret that washed over him, leaving him feeling cold and hollow.

Because, fuck, wasn't he the victim here? Wasn't everyone else to blame? Wasn't it his Larry that didn't want to give him access to medical help because it was "all in his head?" Wasn't it Kleinman that had called him a freak? Wasn't it his classmates who spread rumours about him and kicked the living shit out of him after school?

_Wasn't it you who had pounded on the door of your sister's room and threatened to kill her? Wasn't it you who screamed at your parents to fuck off when they tried to talk to you? Wasn't it you who assaulted a teacher when you were eight? Wasn't it you that pushed over someone with a broken arm?_

There was that damn voice again. Only this time, it was making sense.

Connor hated that.

 

* * *

 

 

_"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Connor shouted, trying to kick down his little sister's door. He could faintly here his mother screaming. He could hear Zoe crying, terrified. He could hear Larry hollering at him to "GET OUT!" He couldn't see them. He couldn't see anything except red._

_Then the red faded. Connor stopped pounding on the door. Now he couldn't hear anything except the violent ringing in his ears._

_He spun around and stormed out of the house._

_It was time to text his dealer again._

 

* * *

 

 

_"Are you laughing?"_

_"N- no- I-"_

_"What, you think I'm a freak?"_

_"NO- I-"_

_"I'm not a freak. YOU'RE THE FUCKING FREAK!"_

* * *

 

 

Shit.

Well, maybe it was time to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the only victim in this situation.

_I'm sorry mom, Larry, Zoe, Evan..._

He listed every name he could think of.

It was a really long list.

 _FUCK,_ there was the pain. Just a few more hours of this, he thought. And then he realized.

He was torturing himself. Connor Murphy, depressed stoner that disappointed his parents, was torturing himself. 

A fitting punishment, in his opinion.

Oh, but he was ready. Ready to leave. Ready to fall asleep and never wake up. Ready for that sky to clam him and never, ever let him go.

Groggily, he opened his eyes. He'd had enough of this bullshit.

The pills scattered on the ground, the trees around him, and the pitch-black sky, ready to steal him away for good. 

Those were the last things that Connor ever saw.

And he was glad.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I hope this made you feel something.


End file.
